Today marks Ben and I’s first month as a husband and wife. Although, I must say that it is mostly happy, it is also true that there were several hurdles on our journey, by far and I am sure that there are many more to come on our next months and years together soon.
Ben and I came from a long-distance relationship and it is by faith that we get married last month, when we finally heard a confirmation from God. And now that we are finally living the life under one roof, the different personality of each other is all exposed and is mostly reluctant from one another. At least, as for me. Haha.
The selfish, arrogant me is finally on the limelight.
I will not deny that I pondered a few times, if I will make it to the end or if it is the right decision I plunged myself into. Haha! But, of course, I am committed to this marriage. I burned every U-turns and exits at the moment I have decided to wed, by the abundant grace of God.
I was reminded last night, after an irritation, that love should not envy. It should be kind, patient, shall not boast nor shall be proud. But these verses are easier said than done. I was asking God for grace and I want Him to set my heart right.
I was quarreling with my own heart if why the selfish me is envious of his time? Or of his cellphone? or of his attention, in general? I was trying to prove a point that I didn’t see him the whole day I was in work and evening is just our little time together. And to see him ignoring me, annoys me big time.
Why on the deepest part of my heart, I want him to respond like me, do things like me or at least, be as sensitive like me? But after all these pondering, I was reminded of what our pastor imparted on our wedding-that we are two different people, which means two different personality united by God,to be one.
It is unfair to change Ben to please me. It is not my job, but God’s, to set his attitude and personality right, for His glory.
At once, I was reminded by the Spirit, is this argument honoring Jesus? Does my pride honor Him or makes this relationship lovely? I held my pride for a few minutes more, but my heart is crying. I want to turn and hug him. To be the first to say sorry but my arrogant heart is still reluctant. I am thankful, however, that Ben did not wait any longer and hugged me first. He even said sorry, even if I am being unreasonable. I was consoled at once and tried to share my point. Thank God for the gift of communication.
I know that we have lots to go, probably, various hills and mountains to conquer as a couple, but with Christ who strengthens us, we can always do all things. Victor all things.